Site News

On behalf of 3/4 of the writing staff here, we would like to apoligize for our unexcused absence during the Thanksgiving Weekend. We were having too much fun on the East Coast devouring venison, turkey, and bear. Richard Gun may present his knuts quenever he scrounges up $473 for the one way trip to CT. In other news, Bethel CT is is full of entry level hipsters. Feel free to comment-

Britney: The Bitch Won't Die

Society is rather kind to some individuals. While some celebrities find the flashing cameras and unforgiving tabloids merciless, others are fortunate enough to experience what could only be described as unconditional forgiveness.




Exhibit A: Britney Spears

You see her face every day in a new tabloid, shocking and breaking news revealing her personal secrets. Some say this is wrong, they say society is not giving Britney the respect she deserves. After all, who could possibly deserve the scorn, derision, and flat out humiliation that she receives on a daily basis?
One name springs instantly to mind: Britney Spears.

Thats right, she deserves it all. Why? Because she's still going, thats why. After years out of the spotlight (or at least the one that doesn't show the love handles) she is still making money. Even worse, she's still making headlines.

You see, in the late 1990's, when you saw Britney come on to the screen, you didn't really like it. But you knew, and TRL was quick to remind you during the video, that 13 year old girls across the Mid-Western United States were in absolute adoration of Britney.

But years have passed. It's been near a decade since she came into the public eye. And she continues to be of major importance in our daily lives.

Now, I don't necessarily hate her. Well, yes, I do, but thats besides the point. I'm simply astounded that she continues her shallow life of daily 'image changes', child abuse, and an appreciation for white trash males.

And society has yet to really hate on her. Sure, there was the baby in her lap, there was K-Fed and all that fallout, but society still has a soft-spot for her. We all slap our knee when the evening news comes on.
"Aw, what is that Britney up to this time? Gather round kids, let's listen in!"

I say it's high time she shuts the hell up, spends the remainder of her squandered money on some high rise apartment in LA, and lives off her money the rest of her life. I'm tired of her polluting my tabloids.

Her time has come and gone, and she is an unwelcome guest in my publications.




And Richard Gun can suck my balls.

STREET BONERS

STREET BONERS and TV CARNAGE is a website/blog/online magazine type thing. It is the product of Derrick Beckles, the TV CARNAGE creator, and Gavin McInnes, the STREET BONERS creator. McInnes is also the genius behind our favorite hipster douchebag yuppie artsy faggy angsty williamsburgish magazine, VICE, straight oot oof Canada. McInnes recently left Vice to create this online adventure. This website is the epitome of entertainment, but also a fountain of knowledge. With such blog entries like "Voting is so gay", "Dearest Poo Poo", "Dear You: What's the Deal with Lesbians?", and "How to Buy Crack in North Philly." Each entry is painfully amusing and shameless. There is nothing that the authors will not write about or expose. One of my own favorite segments is what is called "Wasted Pushups" in which one of the authors will consume alcohol, legal drugs, illegal drugs, or combinations of each, and then proceed to do pushups while under the influence. So far the substances covered have been Crack, Heroin, Amyl Nitrate, Ketamine, Couch Syrup, a combo of Beer, Weed, and Coke, and he has also done pushups stone cold sober, and hungover. It is unbelivvably hilarious but also extremely eye-opening, as it is not very often that your typical well-behaved white kid gets to see someone do Amyl Nitrate poppers, or shoot dope, or even smoke crack. Here is the link for Coke, Beer, and Weed together, as well as a second video of Salvia pushups. WASTED PUSHUPS STREETCARNAGE

So check that out, read the other entries, check out the TV CARNAGE section, or you can even buy shit online. 

Linda Harrison

Linda Harrison, Born July 24, 1945. She played the non-english speaking girl, Nova, of Charlton Heston's in the original Planet of the Apes.

Film of the Month: Everything Is Illuminated

Starring Elijah Wood and Eugene Hutz, Liev Schreiber's Everything is Illuminated is a Drama/Comedy about a young Jewish mans plight for his family history. Illuminated is based on the novel written in 2002 by Jonathan Safran Foer and his journey to Ukraine to find his families connections to the past. Elijah Wood plays the obsessive author who collects anything and everything and travels through Ukraine with two men from the travelling "agency" he has paid to take him to Trachimbrod in Ukraine, a town which the Nazi's plowed over and massacred in 1942. Foer travels with Alex, a young Ukrainian man convinced that he is the king of the dance clubs in his town. He also travels with Alex's "blind" Grandfather, who is their driver, along with Sammy Davis Junior Junior, the seeing eye bitch (dog). The film is extremely funny, but also is remarkably enlightening and empowering. Elijah Wood plays Foer with perfection and gives the film its very dramatic touch. Everything is Illuminated is highly recommended by The Speakeasy.

Find the wide-screen film HERE

and

Find the original novel HERE

TRL Plays One Entire Song, World Nearly Implodes

It only took ten years, but MTV's world famous extravaganza of pop music Total Request Live or TRL finally played one song in its entirety. It did not start the song 30 seconds in and end it with at least a minute left. TRL played Britney Spears' song "Baby One More Time" all the way through. Sadly, immediately after doing so, the show was cancelled and TRL no longer exists. I shit you not, TRL is gone, but just to poke fun at the viewers and fans of TRL, they had to play one song all the way through to say "look at what we could've played for you but never did motha-lickas!" On Sunday November 16, 2008 TRL took its last turn on the TV, saying goodbye to the artists that have molded pop music over the past ten years. Justin Timberlake showed up, Ludacris rolled up, Snoop Dog cripped his way over from LBC, Kid Rock came shit-faced, even Carson Daly crawled out of his coffin for this spectacle of pop music. All of the original VJ's came, including your favorite heroin addict, Jesse Camp. I think John Norris (RIP) was awoken from the dead for the show as well. So get your goodbyes in, no more afternoon specials and TRL shenanigans. I think Barry Obammy made a good move cancelling TRL, because music won't exist in the future.

The Speakeasy's personal favorite video ever on TRL - "The Bum Bum Song" by Tom Green

shoot poo poo all over the place POO POO!!!!

LA is Burning

This is Los Angeles County as seen from the Westchester Bluff. The picture was taken at 4:30 PST. Earlier in the day it was 90 degrees and the Sun was beating down incredibly hard. It was a summer day in LA today until the smoke from the North Los Angeles fires was pushed towards the ocean by the Santa Anna Winds. Nevermind the word "doubletake" on the bottom, I'm a cheap bastard and I won't pay for my software. CLICK THE PHOTO TO SEE THE LARGE VERSION.

LA is burning to the ground

Wildfires are everywhere. Help




This man is trying to save his house with that thirst quenching hose. The output of that hose dangerously borders on 1 (one) gallon per minute. In other words his house experienced a fiery FAIL.

That may help.

Artist of the Month: GIRL TALK

The Speakeasy's first ever featured Artist of the Month is none other than Girl Talk, the revolutionary multi-mash-up pop artist out of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. The man behind Girl Talk, Gregg Gillis, claims to be a "pop music enthusiast" which is quite fitting for him, as each of his songs is a 3 minute blast to the past, featuring tear jerkers, rock ballads, old classics, and pretty much every song on the Top 40 Billboard Chart. Each song on the album features a bouncing and constant rhythm with not just two songs mashed up into one, but nearly 25 songs sampled and chopped and screwed into one linear, coherent melody. Upon mailing out the copies of his latest album, Gillis included with each package a list of names of all the 322 songs and artists he sampled throughout the album. 322 songs spread out over 14 tracks sounds like quite a lot to handle for just one DJ who originally planned on a career in Biomedical Engineering. Gillis, however, never ceases to amaze by creatively merging and mending songs like Cassidy's "Drink n' my 2 Step" mixed over Ace of Base's "All That She Wants" or even a more complex segment in which Gillis throws together Dexi's Midnight Runners "Come On Eileen" with DJ Kool rapping on top with bits of Bubba Sparxx spitting "get it right, get it right... get it tight" His genius for identifying the common themes between two songs provides for a fantastic sound throughout each creation.

Of the Four Albums Girl Talk has released, the latest one Feed The Animals, has proven to be the most popular. His previous album, Night Ripper, was his breakthrough album that gave him popularity throughout the nation. He is currently on tour playing all different types of venues. He plays local shows, night clubs, festivals, college shows, and large stadium/theatre style venues. The Speakeasy strongly recommends you take up an interest in Girl Talk, in case you get beat to it, and all of your homo friends listen to him before you do. Be the cool kid that has the most trendy music that not everyone has heard. Throw on Feed The Animals at a party or anywhere there is alcohol, and I, Richard Gun, guarantee that you will have drunk white kids spinning around "dancing" to their favorite pop songs which are brilliantly mashed into one glorious paroxysm of sound. And for you cheap bastards out there (like myself) who refuse to pay for music, you can download Girl Talk's Feed The Animals for whatever price you choose to pay straight from his record company online. If you choose to pay 5 dollars, you can get a seamless large file that plays the album as it was originally intended, with no cuts, no pauses and no changing the track at your will, and you will also receive the files individually to put into your iTunes. For you rich people that can afford to pay 10 dollars for an album, you will not only recieve the seamless file, the individual files, and the list of songs sampled, but you wil also receive in the mail a hard copy of the album. Click HERE (GIRL TALK - FEED THE ANIMALS) IT'S FREE MOTHA-LICKERS! Treat Yourself and download this album. Prepare yourself for an orgasm of the ear.

Find the sample list HERE

Find other Girl Talk albums HERE

MARC FORSTER WILL DIRECT WORLD WAR Z

Quantum of Solace director Marc Forster has been announced as the director of World War Z, Max Brook’s bestselling oral history of the zombie wars.
Brooks (the son of Mel Brooks) wrote a detailed tale in which a researcher for the U.N. Postwar Commission interviews survivors from countries all over the world, 10 years after the crisis, to gather a first-person post-mortem on a war that obliterated every country on the map. It will be epic.

Nikon D90: Best In Show

The new Nikon D90 ($1,000 without lens) is an excellent intermediate S.L.R. with a ground-breaking secret: it takes amazing high-definition video. But first, a few samples of its primary strength:






The standard lens is a new 18-105mm lens, which is compact but still gives you a healthy zoom range. The Nikon also has a big, 12.3-megapixel sensor.



The big sensor means excellent sensitivity in low light.

Plaid: Its Always Been In

Wool dinner jacket, $349 at Club Monaco; Thom Browne oxford cotton shirt,$425 at Barneys and Bergdorf; Black Fleece madras cashmere pants, $900, and matching tie, $150, at Brooks Brothers

Change is here

Good or bad, whether you like it or not, he's here and he's not afraid. Barack Obama was elected the 44th president of the United States last week after one of the most intense campaigns ever. This came as no surprise of course, I knew he had it in the bag. President Bush has made many enemies over the past two terms and the political overthrow of the House, Senate, and the most powerful political position in the free world serve to remind us of what one man - with a differant opinion and a nation's support - can accomplish. Things went downhill after John McCain publicly humiliated himself on SNL with degrading preformance in a cheap and uneffective way to gain votes and symathy from an unsympathatic nation.

All I have to say is lets wait and see the job he does.

In other news, racial descrimintation ended last week with the election of a black man into the White House. All complaints regarding race related problems are herby eliminated as there is no relevance to this said issue. The South helped vote him in. Enough said. Sorry Rodney King, can't play that card any more.

Michael Crichton

1942-2008

Most exciting game in a while

33-39

#7 Texas Tech upset over #1 Texas