Give him the stick, DONT GIVE HIM THE STICK!

Everything about fat people is funny

Television is the devil

Wassup 2008

Whether we like it or not, change is coming.

Chair=Fail

Listen for the crack, its hard not to see it coming.

Your Section Turns Heads, My Section Breaks Necks

Accurate summery of what actually goes on in Modern World History class.

Stocked fridge gets the ladies

Colin Powell is Confused

General Colin Powell announced earlier his full endorsement for the Obama Biden campaign, remarking that the McCain campaign is "not what people are looking for."

Barack Obama, chain-smoker and cultural demi-god, thanked Powell for his support. Powell, however, seems a bit confused.

Barack Obama and Colin Powell share nothing in common. One is the most liberal member of the US Senate, the other is a retired US Army General, appointed to sit on the cabinet of President George W. Bush, and was a key advisor to the late President Ronald Reagan, perhaps the most conservative president of our time.

The average observer may make the assumption that Powell is supporting Obama based on race. How foolish.

Any self-respecting US citizen is well aware that Colin Powell, along with Condoleezza Rice, was drafted into full blown Caucasian status at the 2003 National Racial Draft. Therefore, Colin Powell and Barack Obama share absolutely nothing in common...

Except perhaps an insatiable thirst for power, as demonstrated by both Obama's actions on the campaign front, and Powell's shameless begging to be appointed into Obama's cabinet. Defeat for the Republicans may be assured, but this is no time to begin selling yourself to the opposition, Powell, one would assume you had some semblance of national pride and zealous integrity.

Guess not.

QE2 pulls into NYC one last time

The Queen Elizabeth 2 berthed in New York City this Friday, on her last crossing of the Atlantic. She will be sold to an Indonesian steel company to be reclaimed as razor blades in the near future.

Mark Wahlberg is a bitch. Plain and simple.

Mark Wahlberg was on Jimmy Kimmel last night and had nothing nice to say about Andy Sandbergs' impression of him on SNL. Suffice it to say, Mark- or should I just refer to him as tough guy?- is a first class bitch and doesn't deserve the fame he's had for doing piss poor excuses for films.

Let me clarify, he's an awful, one-note actor that picks only tough guys roles in movies (because that's the only way he'll be respected as an original gangsta in a world full of hippies). It doesn't hurt that produces for HBO (Entourage) and never ever ever lets us forget about it. In short, boycott Mark Wahlberg.

Why? Because fuck him, that's why.

T-minus a few days till the riots start

At the start of Friday's session, losses for the year totaled a staggering $8.3 trillion, as measured by the Dow Jones Wilshire 5000 Composite Index.
A stream of selling forced exchanges in Austria, Russia and Indonesia to suspend trading, and those that remained opened were hammered. The rout in Australian markets caused traders there to call it "Black Friday."

Global stocks sank;

• Britain's FTSE-100 down 8.09 percent
• German's DAX down 9.4 percent
• France's CAC-40 down 9.7 percent.
• Japan's Nikkei 225 down 9.6 percent

In midmorning trading, the Dow fell 197.61, or 2.30 percent, to 8,381.58.

Stocks Plunge Again; Dow Under 8,600

U.S. Assurances Offer Little Comfort to Traders

A late-day decline once again pushed the markets down sharply, with the Dow falling more than 600 points.

The Goverment is now considering cash injections into many of the nations banks to alleviate the spriling trend. The Treasury Department is also considering taking ownership stakes in many United States banks, the White House said Thursday.

Seriously, if you have not bought up some gold, now is the time to do so. Liquidate all your assests, bury everything, and buy up as much batteries, bottled water, and canned food as you can manage. Its only a matter of time before North Korea and Iran strike. Lets be prepared.

Great Depression: Take Two

They laughed when I said it was coming. This is not going to be pretty.

Excuse me while I bury my $30,000 loan in the backyard.

Intrepid Returns to NY

After two years of repairs, and a fresh coat of paint, the USS Intrepid is returning to Pier 86 in the Hudson River Park.




The 65 year old vessel was towed from Staten Island by a team of four tugboats, accompanied by a flotilla of police boats and sightseeing craft.


Accompanied by more than 200 former crewmembers, some of whom were much older than the ship itself.


The overhaul cost more than $100 million but most came from city grants.

Kimbo Slice KO'd under 14 Seconds

In one of the most anticipated fights on network television this year, Kevin "Kimbo Slice" Ferguson, was defeated by Seth Petruzelli in no less than 14 seconds lat night.

Played on CBS, this fight was to make or break Kimbos career as a martial arts fighter. Petruzelli was a last minute fill-in who had taken a year of of training to start a business. He weighed 30 pounds lighter than Kimbo (235). Petruzelli's record was 2-2 in his MMA career while Kimbo was 3-0. Only 12 punches were thrown and the demoralizing/crushing blow wasn't even a square shot. Catching him in the left eye, Petruzelli buffeted Kimbo as he lay on his knees in the corner. It was over before it started though. With CBS's hype and overplayed buildup of the rags to riches story, Kimbo The Cash Machine was expected to bring in viewers after this fight. Sadly this will not be the case.

As Mixed Martial Art's (subsidiary of UFC) newest show pony, Kimbo started out as a street fighter in Miami, working his way up the ranks and gaining respect with his brawny attitude and fierce right hook.

Now that his career is shot with MMA and UFC, we can only hope that he will return to the streets...

Snow in Hell, Pigs Fly, Frogs Grow Hair. In other news: OJ Guilty

OJ Simpson was actually convicted of all 12 charges brought against him and 5 five other men for holding up 2 sports memorabilia collectors in Las Vegas. Exactly 13 years after he was cleared of slaughtering his wife, Simpson was finally found guilty of kidnapping, assualt, robery, and criminal conspiracy, amongst other wholesome charges. Today will be marked forever as a day upon which the sun rises in the west, fish climb trees, and when chicken have teeth. Oh yeah, also as a day when Justice is served and America's favorite murderer gets locked up.

Epic Fail

Crack Spider